My Trip to the Bookstore

Hello!

I am still so very enchanted by the culture here in India.  Today a new friend and I went to one of the big bookstores here in Mysore called Sapna.  Our rickshaw driver insisted on waiting for us outside until we were done.  Maybe for 30-45 minutes we said.  Once we entered the store, walked and wandered around the first floor, we realized that there were two additional floors to peruse, we quickly went and told our rickshaw chauffer that we would no longer be needing his services, since we didn’t know when we would be ready.  The first floor consisted of many pens and notebooks.  For those of you who know me well, know that I have an affinity towards pens and notebooks.  I believe that this strange liking towards stationary was passed on through my Guiv side of my family.  My dear Daddy has (and still does) keeps a very organized drawer or two of the most beautiful stationary that you can imagine.  Just thinking about it makes me happy, hehehe. 

India, a fascinating country.  The bookstore was filled with spiritual books, philosophy books, books on yoga and sacred texts, as well as mathematics, engineering, physics, computer science.  The two genres seem to be what comprised the entire store.  I see this not only in the bookstore but also in everyday life here in India.  India has some of the worlds most scientifically educated contributors who are just as versed in the Bhagavad Gita and spiritual practices.  I see so my beauty to have the two sides of the mind that seem to be polar opposites to operate in one life.  Maybe spiritually minded individuals have a very logical way of living life?  This is what I am coming to believe through my own experience.  There is so much in the world that cannot be explained, yet some how it works in an organized fashion.  For example, how can we explain sea turtle migration? These little (well sometimes not so little) creatures travel over 10,000 miles, crossing the entire Pacific Ocean from the West Coast of the US to Asia.  How do they not get lost?  Do they have a compass or a GPS system?  Or birds, when they fly, they all turn together at the same time.  How do they know when to turn?  Do birds have a language?  A very wise woman told me the other day that it’s all Grace.  Everything, all of it.  Whoa.  As crazy as that sounds, it rings true for me.  It gives me a sense of comfort that there is a greater purpose to all of life’s experience.  However it doesn’t let me off the hook for doing my part; I do my part to the best of my ability and awareness.

Some of you may be familiar with the following text; it’s pretty insightful and hits the spot about faith and logic:

“In ancient times material progress was painfully slow. The spirit of modern scientific inquiry, research and intervention was almost unknown. In the realm of the material, men’s minds were fettered by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas. Some of the contemporaries of Columbus thought a round earth preposterous. Other came near putting Galileo to death for his astronomical heresies.

            We asked ourselves this: Are not some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material?”

Ok, enough of my jibber jabber…on a funny note, this morning we had a led practice.  I was balancing in sirsasana (headstand) trying so hard not to fall over. Sharath was counting very slooowly and I could feel, pesky little misquotes biting the backs of my leg.  Somehow I managed to stay up and stay focused on my breathing even though what my knee jerk reaction was to jerk my knee and smoosh the little bugger.  Or maybe do Maziar’s infamous misquote dance.  If you haven’t seen it, do ask him next time your around him.

One more thing, for those of you who are not familiar with Osho, he’s a pretty cool dude and one of my favorite spiritual authors.  He’s very popular here in India.  Here is a quote from a book I am reading:

“The rebel goes into his inner world with open eyes, with no idea of what he is looking for. He goes on polishing his intelligence. He goes on making his silences deeper, his meditation more profound so that whatever is hidden in him is revealed to him, but he as no preconceived idea of what he is looking for.”

Pretty far out.

Peace hommies,

Neda

Mr. Ganapathy and Laundry Soap

My landlord is a very sweet man.  His name is Mr. Ganapathy.  He lives in the building I live along with his family.  A retired businessman, he seems like a very logical and rational person.  When I was first introduced to him, he handed me his business card.  I showed it to Maziar when we had a short Skype date.  Maziar noticed that Mr. Ganapathy was a mechanical engineer!  Of course, a logical man, as all engineers seem to be rooted by facts (my opinion and observation). 

As I was walking back to my apartment after buying some soap for the cleaning lady and oranges, I approached him and told him that I noticed he was a mechanical engineer.  Then, of course, I had to brag about my love, who is an accomplished genius (my opinion and observation) and shared with him Maziar’s successes.  Certainly he was impressed, but then he asked me what I studied and where.  I said Economics at UCLA.  Then he asked me, why I am interested in yoga.  I thought for a second to myself, and then said, for peace of mind. 

For those of you who know me, I can be a little koo koo, a little off my rocker.  It hasn’t always appeared in my outward behavior, but inside I’ve been a ball of anxiety with thoughts.  A little bit controlling, a little bit of a worrier.  Peace of mind is exactly what I desire most in life.  I’ve experienced it, and I want more of it.  I want to live from a state of a quite mind.  Without being dominated by fears, resentments, worries about the futures, regrets about the past, just to simply be.  That’s what yoga gives me, every time I practice.  It is not easy, as the fears and worries do come up, but somehow I gain the strength to push through them slowly, where on the other side awaits a calm, undisturbed space.  Did I need to come all the way to India to know this, certainly not, but I followed intuitive guidance and came.  The inspiration and circumstances here have catapulted me to face the nastiness and experience the vastness.  And it’s only been a week…

Sending Sunshine and Soap,

Neda

Mysore

It’s been about a week that I’ve been living here in Mysore, India and I have to say it’s been a whirlwind of a time.  It all started with my travel experience, which took about 30 hours, including driving to and from the airport.  That’s a lot of travel time!  I flew from Newark to Paris and then Paris to Bangalore.  I’ve flown into Charles de Gaulle Airport before, when I went to study abroad in Greece, but I don’t remember it being so upscale!  I could have spent a lot of time (and money) at the stores.  Very clean and organized.   This I appreciate this for sure.

When I arrived in Bangalore I must say, I was petrified.  About two weeks before I was to leave for India, I got cold feet.  I called the airline to see if I could cancel my trip, I wasn’t ready to go.  Of course I bought a non-refundable ticket.  The motivation of losing money and Maziar’s gentle nudge helped me build up the nerve to pack my bags and head off.  I am so happy that I did.

The man sitting next to me on the plane to Bangalore was from Salt Lake City.  Born in India, he decided to move back with his wife and child to live in Bangalore, surrounded by family, for 9 months.  This culture values family.  As do I.  It’s always been a source of comfort and enjoyment for me.  Love you family!  Miss you!!  When I told him it was my first time coming to India, he turn to me, with big eyes and said…WOW!!!  I didn’t know how to interpert his reaction.  He gave me some words of advice: 1) don’t trust anyone! 2) wash your hands often 3) bring toilet paper with you wherever you go 4) be strong! be hard headed 5) always negotiate the price, in other words, if you understand farsi, chooneh.  30% he said you should be paying for goods off the street.  Very nice man.  I will always remember him.

When I got outside of the airport, it was about 1 am.  Filled with smiling faces, people were shouting and hustling.  I felt oddly at home and comfortable.  I laughed to myself because I it all reminded me a lot of SUNNYVALE!  I saw my name written on an 8x10 piece of paper and ran over to a very nice gentle man who took my bags and walked very fast to the parking lot.  The cars here are like toys, yet they fit it to the point where people are hanging out the window.  One car had rainbow headlights that flashed different colors.  I don’t know if that is illegal or not, but it looked pretty cool and got my attention. 

I took a 5 hour taxi ride to Gokulum, Mysore, the neighborhood and city I will be living in for the next 2 months.  The taxi driver was very kind, didn’t speak a lot of English, but had great music.  When he turned it off (because he thought I would want to sleep) I asked him to turn it on.  What did he put on for me?  Michael Jackson, Shaggy, I listened to the Dancing Queen, he had it all.  After the initial high of being in India, I put my head down on my bag and passed out.

I arrived at Anoki’s Garden where I stayed for the next week.  It is a small café that is open to the public Thursday through Saturday and houses 5 people.  I was one of those people.  I am forever grateful that I stayed there for that week and met some fabulous people.  Marie, the owner, is like a mother, and knows everything about the area.  If I wanted passport pictures, she knows exactly where to go.  If I needed a rickshaw, she knows the perfect rickshaw driver.  For those of you who don’t know what a rickshaw is, I will explain in another post. 

Within the first few days upon arrival, I got pretty sick.  I don’t know what the cause was, but I will tell you, I felt like my head was going to explode, my throat was smoothed with sandpaper, and a very ugly fever.  I missed only 1 day of practice, slept for 20 hours, and felt all better.  One of my biggest fears coming to India was to get sick, especially since I’ve had issues with my health.  It was a breeze.  Not pleasant, but I was well taken care of and if I needed a doctor, there are plenty of good ones here.

I thought that I would not like India.  I had not expected to not only like it, but love it.  I seem to have this experience; when I think I am incompatible with a city, it ends up being the perfect place for me.  It happened for me with New York and Paris.  Just goes to show you, I don’t know what’s best for me.  So, I’m following my heart rather than my logical thinking.  I can always change my mind if it’s a mistake. 

Om Shanti

Neda

Listen To Your Heart

If I could, I would play “Listen To Your Heart” by Roxette in the background while you’re reading this. Go ahead, listen.

The heart. What is it? What is its job, its purpose? It functions to pump blood through our circulation system, oxygenating our blood, keeping us alive. Is that all it is? A pumping machine? I believe it’s more, much more. Maybe you’ve heard of stories where a recipient of a heart donation not only receives an organ and its physical functions, but also memories of the deceased. The question is, do we underestimate the heart capabilities?

I believe that an internal compass is guiding me towards living a life beyond my wildest dreams. The more I open my heart and start to trust and believe in my heart, the more clear I am able to hear the gentle whisper of this internal guide. When guided by my heart, my perspective on life evolves; circumstances and events present themselves at precisely the perfect time. The saying “when the student is ready, the teacher will come” has become evident in my life. No longer do I wait for my teacher, for something outside of me to come and save me, to fix me. I don’t recall when, but I stopped looking for that special fixer. “When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” As a result important teachers have flooded my life, offering me love, abundance, direction, knowledge. My greatest teacher being my heart.

My heart!? Noooo…this not a tangible nor reliable source for direction. I can’t reply on my heart’s opinion! I can’t go to my heart with problems and demand a solution! What if it’s all an illusion? What if I’m crazy?! Who can I blame if I make the wrong decision?! I can’t blame my heart.

This little organ of mine is persistent, relentless, and extremely influential. As much as my fears try to lock up my heart’s desires, my little heart continues to beat and beat and beat; my heart’s power far surpasses my fears illusions.

It’s been sometime now since my lovely heart has been ever so nicely whispering to me that it’s time for me to move on from my current job, in my current profession. My logical mind screamed “no way Jose!” I have a fantastic job, I work with amazing people, I am contributing to the world becoming a better place, all while earning a living! People would die to be in my shoes! Anyhow, my heart didn’t give up. It’s whisper grew, louder and louder, until it was shouting in my ear. Eventually, I had a difficult time getting through a day without the urge to drop everything and sprint, fast, somewhere. What helped me cope with ignoring my heart was yoga, and the yoga was opening my heart, making its voice louder and clearer. Ironic, no? I waited and waited for some a concrete solution. I talked it through with friends and family, waiting for the “right” validation for my heart’s decision. Of course, I was offered varied responses, the majority of opinions urging me to stick to security, to the logical side of my thinking. I eventually backed myself into a corner, creating my own suffering, forcing myself into making a choice. I took a plunge and talked to my boss.

Gratitude does not begin to describe the feeling I have for the people in my life. I told my boss that I needed to eventually move on and follow my dream. He was unbelievably respectful and understanding and supported me in pursing my dream (my dream that I will share about in future post). I had the company’s best interest in mind, will to do whatever it took for a smooth transition, and the company had my best interest. We worked out a plan for me to work for them on an hourly basis, still securing healthcare.

Security has always been number one on my list of priorities ever since I was a child. I needed to make sure I knew that was going to happen and that I would be ok. Knowing exactly what would happen in the future, even if it meant that I needed to sacrifice my happiness, was what I thought was required for security. Today, I see it differently. Gradually, steadily, I am having faith, acting on the faith, that my heart’s whispers, or sometimes shouting, should be the number one priority in my life. It seems as though through following the heart’s desires, security is simply a byproduct.

Mommy, Parvin, thank you for being a part of the blood that my heart works so hard to pump and oxygenate. Did I make the right decision? I know so. My heart feels light and happy.

To the reader, I challenge you to ask yourself, what are your dreams, what does your heart ache for? What is keeping you from living the best version of yourself?

“The important thing is this: to be ready at any moment to sacrifice what you are for what you could become."

- Charles Dickens

Wings

I’m becoming more a believer in the idea that you can manifest whatever your heart desires. Our thoughts are powerful in their own right. Ever since I’ve been working with teachers my life journey has and continues to reach unimaginable levels. I remember when I used to live life depressed, angry and frustrated with every person and situation in my life. My concept of life was beige, boring and safe. I believed that my purpose in life was to go to work, be a good little worker, do something good for this world, come home, have a large house, a family, etc. My purpose was to structure my life in a way that was “safe.” I wanted more than anything to live a life of security, in my finances, in my relationships, in my day to day operations. I wanted to live knowing what was going to happen the next day, knowing that I will have enough money to pay for the expensive car that I thought would make me happy. My thoughts have drastically changed as I was challenged to reach deep down and listen for my heart to tell me what it really wanted, what would bring color into each single moment.

What makes me come alive? Easy answer…yoga, working with others. How did I want my life to look, if I had no limits? Oddly enough, it wasn’t the big house, fancy car, corporate job that I wanted. I wanted a simple life, helping others, practicing yoga, living by the beach in a nice warm climate.

I was asked to write a list of things that I wanted to accomplish within the next year, two years, five years. Yoga teacher was top of my list. Maybe within the next 2 or 3 years. I visualized becoming a teacher, how it would look, how it would feel. Next thing I know, I’m asking Sharon about how I can apply for a scholarship, then, receiving the scholarship. I remember that moment like it was just a moment ago. I was patiently waiting to find out if I had been offered the scholarship, as that would be the determining factor in my going that fall to training. It was a Saturday and I was scheduled to work the front desk. We were over booked, so instead I decided to take Bikram’s 10 am class. I loved it! It kicked my butt! One of my best classes ever! I went to my car, check my phone, and saw a text from Sharon telling me that I got the scholarship! The excitement overtook me, I started screaming (in my car), crying, and quickly went back up stairs to the studio. I ran back to where Bikram was and gave him a HUGE hug, thanking him! He gave me a big kiss. It was a pivotal moment in my life.

To make the story even more sweet, my company agreed to give me a leave of absence to follow my dreams. Literally, they gave me a leave of absence to follow my dreams. My “out of office” email replay was:

“I will be out of the office until November 26, 2011, following my dreams”

So the question here is, what do you want, what makes your heart come alive? Think about it, dream about it, visualize it, and take steps towards it. You’ll be amazed with what will happen.